Down Time

Finishing a big project (as much as one can call anything finished) brings a rush of emotions: the exhiliaration, the sense of accomplishment, the relief that no one figured out that I'm a fraud who doesn't know what she's doing, the slow leaching of adrenaline from my body, the exhaustion, the joy of finally seeing friends and catching up on tv, the vague guilt that I should be doing something productive, the simple pleasures of having time for clean laundry and healthy meals, and then the boredom, and then the restlessness. What's next? Why haven't I started something new? What am I waiting for?

And depression has been messing with my head, pointing out how I've failed and who hates me and why this is the last cool thing that I'll ever do and it probably wasn't all that cool anyway. 

We live in such a results-focused world and I'm impressionable enough that it's stlll hard for me to take time to fill the well (as they say in The Artists Way). Apparently, just living life, celebrating my accomplishments, and enjoying some peace isn't enough. And the silly thing is that I know that I will, in fact, work in this town again. Two awesome gigs are sitting right on the horizon. The fields are not barren.  The time to recharge is now and I'm going to make every effort to make no effort at all, just for a week or two, so when the next thing happens, it happens from a place of joy and ease.